How to know when you are important

I often times think that I am the shit. Not many people find me very interesting, but for some reason I find myself enthralling. So, here is a list of things I have conjuured up to tell myself that I am really not all that important yet. Here goes:

• you can force potential employers to sign an NDA before talking to you.
• if you do something half-decent and someone says "You deserve a medal and a parade", they are not screwing with you.
• you find fault with a correction to the SAT.
• CNN cites that it was a bad day on Wall St. because your vehicle got a flat tire.
• your password is "God", or "sex" or "password", but it does not matter because no one is stupid enough to fuck with you.
• Prince follows you around and sings "this is what it sounds like when doves cry" whenever you make a rude noise with your body.
• he does that not because you pay him, but because he is a personal friend and likes hanging out with you.
• someone writes a "The Cat Who" book about the circumstances of your life.
• every twitter update consists of three words: "I am awesome", and people comment.
• after someone does something that offends you and you retort with "Do you not know who I am?" --- people stand silent out of fear of what is to come next.
• Google is not your desktop, it is your workstation.
• your name becomes a verb, and not because it was already "Mark" or "Rob" or "Jimmy".
• if you do not like a word, spoken anywhere, just send an email to a few people and it will be changed after a few days. Contents of the email could probsbly be in the form of a sed statement, like s/money/sin/g